Where is my Life Going?

Hello Everybody!

“What do you want to be when you grow up?” It’s the question we are asked from the simple age of 5. I wanted to be a mermaid, I was going to be a mermaid. Then I thought ‘Actually, I’d rather be a fairy’… I was going to be a fairy. No one told me I couldn’t do this. Then I went to school.Once you start school, you’re asked again “what do you want to be when you grow up?”, however, this time a mermaid or fairy is not an acceptable answer. For some reason you’re expected to give a mature answer when it’s a teacher that asks this question. I wanted to be a vet. I love animals and wanted to help them. This answer appeased my teacher, and I was left alone for a while.

When I went into secondary school at the mere age of 12, I was asked again. This time I had to be realistic. I wanted to be a teacher. I wanted to share knowledge with children and teach them things about the world around us. Good answer, Ciara. I was left alone with this answer for the remainder of the year. Secondary school was different, though. I was asked the same question the following year, and the year after that, and the year after that, and every year up until my 7th year, then I had to make the decision for real.

I stuck with the whole ‘teacher’ thing for 5 years. I was committed to it. I told my family that’s what I wanted to be. I told my friends that’s what I wanted to be. I told my teachers that’s what I wanted to be. It turns out, that is not what I wanted to be.

A careers advisor by the name of Eileen came into my school one day and interviewed each of us separately. I came out of my interview wanting to move to Chicago to open a book store. I don’t know how this happened, but this was now what I wanted to do.

After seeking help for my mental health, I changed my tune again. I had a bad experience with the NHS when trying to get help. Mental health simply isn’t as important to them as physical health. I was given 6 therapy sessions and sent on my way. I felt that they had just swept me under the rug. I wanted to be a mental health nurse from that moment on. I wanted to make sure people got the help that they needed, and no one was left feeling as though even healthcare professionals don’t care.

I applied for university this year. You get 5 choices when you apply through UCAS and I chose 3 mental health nursing courses, 1 business management course and 1 human resource management course. I guess a part of me still wanted to open my own store. I was declined from 2 of the nursing courses due to lack of experience in the caring sector and the vast number of people who applied this year. I was accepted for an interview at Queen’s university for my final nursing course, but withdrew myself because I don’t want to be a nurse anymore.

The truth is, I still don’t know what I want to be. It’s ridiculous to ask a teenager to make the most important decision of their life when they still have to ask permission to go to the toilet. I don’t think I’ll ever know what I want to do with myself. I don’t know where my life is going; that’s okay. I don’t have to know what I want to do with myself. I just have to do something that will make me happy.

There is a quote that I love: “If your job involves doing something you love, you will never work a day in your life.” It’s easy to accept a job that pays well for the sake of earning a good income, but money is not the be-all and end-all. I’m not saying it isn’t important, I’m just saying it isn’t what’s most important.

Do you know what you want to do in life? Are you happy in the job you have now?

Until next time…


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